Your Questions

Tus dudas

Why not have sexual relations if we love each other?

Giving yourself sexually to the one you love is one of the most personal and beautiful gifts that a human being can give. Most assuredly you will want to make the right decision regarding whom you want to share your life with, and all that this involves.

If you think of the differences between “desire”, “attraction”, “falling in love” and “true love”, you will realize that they do not mean the same thing. For example, you might erroneously think that someone is “the love of your life” because the attraction you feel and the impulse and desire to be with that person is strong. However, “falling in love”, although it implies knowing each other more, is still a very early stage of love, and is characterized by relating to that person with quite a lot of lack of objectivity. In any case, you may feel the desire of having sexual relations with that person. But you could end up feeling that you have made a mistake after having given yourself completely to this person. Reasons such as “wanting to do it” or “feeling something” for a person, are not usually good enough for making this important decision.

In order to avoid making a mistake, you might want to think about the real meaning of love. Love searches for totality and wholeness (“I want to give you everything that I am and everything that is mine”), exclusiveness (“I only want to give myself to you”), a duration that is forever (“I want to be with you for the rest of my life”), and a foundation for creating a family (“our love is so big that together we will love other persons”). It makes sense to think that in order to meet these criteria, “thinking” or “feeling” that you love someone might not be enough. The commitment of marriage has the goal of achieving these aspects of love. Patience is important if you are to successfully build a life together with someone who is really worth making the commitment to. Once you have set this goal, you will be able to more objectively know whether or not a commitment with this other person is feasible; only after this mutual commitment has been made will you be able to give yourself completely through sexual relations.

Dating someone you are attracted to, with whom you have fallen in love, has one big objective: to get to know each other better and to patiently find out if you will both be able to build a life together in the future. Sexual relations, meaning the total gift of oneself to the other person, belong to marriage, when you assume a total commitment to a life project together. In this context, sexual relations are constructive and bonding. Outside of the context of marriage, however, sexual relations can often have different destructive effects.

For more information, read and become informed regarding the meaning of love and sexuality. You will discover that the self control of your sexuality is the best option for you and for the love that could grow between you and your loved one.